Bereavment

When Does One Stop Mourning a Death?

Photo: Gabor Kupi

By the Grace of G‑d

25th of Elul, 5738 [September 27, 1978]

Brooklyn, NY



The Family Zippel

Milan, Italy



Greeting and Blessing:



In these days of Selichos and Rachamim,1 which bring the outgoing year to its end, and prepare for the new year, I am addressing these lines to you, hoping they will bring you some comfort.



To begin with, there are many matters and occurrences that are hard for the human mind to understand. Among them also such that even if they can be understood intellectually, they are hard to accept emotionally. Specifically, in a case of bereavement.




Nevertheless, every Jew has been instructed by the Creator and Master of the world that the matters connected with Avelus (mourning) must be limited in time, though during the proper time it is natural and proper to give vent to one's pain and sorrow at the sad loss, in keeping with the nature which G‑d implanted in man.



However, when the various periods of mourning pass — the first three days profound grief and tears, the seven days of Shiva, Sheloshim,2 etc. — then it is not permitted to extend these periods beyond their allotted days. And since this is the instruction of the Creator and Master of the world, it is clear that carrying out these Divine instructions is within the capability of every Jew, for G‑d does not expect the impossible of His creatures, and provides everyone beforehand with the necessary capacity and strength to carry out its instructions as set forth in His Torah, called Тоras Emes,3 because it is true and realistic in all its teachings and imperatives.



It follows also, that those who think that the gradual lessening of mourning, as above, may cause the soul of the departed that is now in the World of Truth to feel slighted - are totally wrong, for the opposite is true. Indeed, excessive mourning by relatives is not good for the soul in the World of Truth, seeing that it is instrumental in this improper conduct on the part of its relatives here on earth; improper — because it is not in keeping with the spirit and letter of the Torah.



Undoubtedly, there is also а rational explanation for the above. One explanation, as mentioned at length on another occasion, is that the soul is, of course, eternal, as is universally recognized. It would be contrary even to logic and common sense to think that a physical disorder to the body could effect the vitality and existence of the soul, which is a purely spiritual being. The only thing that a sickness, or fatal accident, can do is to cause a weakening or termination of the bond that holds the body and soul together, whereupon the soul departs from its temporary abode in this world and returns to its original world of pure spirit, in the eternal world.



Needless to say, insofar as the soul is concerned, it is a release from its "imprisonment" in the body. For, so long as it is bound up with the body, it suffers from physical limitations of the body, which necessarily constrain the soul and involve it in physical activities which are essentially alien to its purely spiritual nature. Nevertheless, the departure and ascent of the soul to its Heavenly abode is mourned for a time by the surviving relatives and friends, because the person is no longer physically here on earth, and can no longer be seen and heard and felt by the physical senses and is therefore sadly missed. However, the soul itself retains all its faculties and, as explained in our holy sources, reacts to the conduct and feelings of its relatives left behind, sharing in their joys and in their sorrows, and benefiting from their good deeds, especially those done on behalf of the soul, and it prays and intercedes on behalf of its relatives here on earth.



In other words, the departure of the soul from the body is a great advantage and ascent for the soul, and the loss is only for the bereaved, and to that extent it is also painful for the soul, of course.

There is yet another point that causes pain to the soul after departing from the body. While the soul is "clothed" in the body, it can actively participate with the body in all matters of Torah and Mitzvoth and good deeds practiced in the daily life here on earth. But since all this involves physical action and tangible objects, the soul can no longer engage in these activities when it returns to is Heavenly abode, where it can only enjoy the fruits of the Torah and Mitzvoth and good deeds performed by it in its sojourn on earth. Henceforth, the soul must depend on its relatives and friends to do Mitzvoth and good deeds also on its behalf, and this is the source of true gratification for the soul, and helps it ascend to even greater heights.




In summary, it is not surprising that the human intellect cannot grasp the ways of G‑d and why He should take away good persons who practiced good deeds all their life and helped spread G‑dliness on earth through spreading the Torah and Mitzvoth, which they would have continued to do had they been spared more years. It is not surprising, because a human being is a created thing, and limited in all his aspects, and no creature can possibly understand the Creator. By way of simple illustration: An infant cannot understand the wisdom of a very wise man or scientist, although the scientist was himself an infant at one time, and the present infant could in time become an even greater scientist than the other. If, therefore, this is not surprising even though the difference and distance between the infant and the scientist is only relative, how much less surprising is it where the difference is absolute and quite incomparable, as between a created being and the Creator.



Secondly, knowing that G‑d is the Essence of goodness and benevolence, and "it is in the nature of the Benevolent to do good," and "G‑d is just and equitable," etc., which knowledge is one of the very basic tenets of our Faith, as explained at length in the Written Torah and Oral Torah – it is certain that all that G‑d does is for the good

Thirdly, it is also certain that the Neshama4 in Olam HoEmes5 waits and expects that all the good deeds it had been doing while here on earth, and would have continued doing had G‑d given her more years in this world, would be continued in its behalf by all near and dear ones. Certainly it expects that the mourning periods will not be extended beyond the prescribed time, since this would be contrary to the teaching of the Torah.




Moreover, when it concerns persons who were brought up, and who brought up their children, in the way of the Torah, which is called Toras Chesed, a Torah of Loving kindness. whose Golden Rule is V'Ohavto L'Reacho Komocho,6 making it the privilege and duty of every Jew to spread the Torah and Mitzvoth to the utmost of their capability, and to do all things of Torah and Mitzvoth with joy and gladness of heart, and who themselves personified all these qualities — all that has been said above is underscored with even greater emphasis.



Much more could be said on the subjects mentioned in this letter, but I am sure that the above will suffice, in keeping with the saying, "Give instruction to the wise person, and he will increase his wisdom still more" (Proverbs 9:9).



May G‑d bless each and all of you, in the midst of all our people, that henceforth only goodness and benevolence be with you always, and inscribe and seal you all for a good and sweet year, in the good that is revealed and obvious.



With esteem and blessing,



M. Schneerson

P.S. It is a timely, meaningful and everlasting memorial to the souls of the dear departed that the holy book of Tanya was published these days in Milan and dedicated to them. May Their Souls Be Bound Up in The Bond of Eternal Life.

Kavanah

http://www.chabad.org/therebbe/article_cdo/aid/71941/jewish/Unfettered-Feeling.htm
Unfettered Feeling




The following is a freely-translated excerpt from a letter by the Rebbe written in the opening days of the year 5732 (September, 1971):



A question:



As we know and see, there are situations in which Jews, regardless of their best intentions, regardless, even, of their self-sacrifice, are truly unable to fulfill the will of G-d due to circumstances beyond their control. As the parable goes, self-sacrifice can enable one to jump off a roof down to the ground, but it cannot enable one to jump from the ground up onto the roof...



But G-d is the master of the entire world. Since G-d Himself has commanded and spelled out how every Jew should behave in his daily life, how is it possible that there should be a situation in which a Jew is unable to carry out the will of G-d, in every detail?



The answer:



There are two components to a mitzvah: the deed, and the kavanah and feeling that accompany it. It is true that “the deed is the primary thing,” but the kavanah and feeling are also of great importance.






When it happens that there is a situation in which it is impossible for a Jew to actually carry out the will of G-d despite his self-sacrifice, this stimulates in him a deep spiritual pain that pervades him to the very core of his soul, bringing him to a deeper connection with G-d, and with Torah, mitzvot and his Jewishness, the likes of which he could never have attained without this painful experience.



The fact that he did not actually do the mitzvah has no adverse effect on his relationship with G-d, since he was prevented from doing it by forces beyond his control. On the other hand, the feeling element of the mitzvah achieves a height otherwise unobtainable, and the experience imparts to his spiritual life a depth and perfection that only this situation can generate.

Volcanic-Eruptions-and-other-Cosmic-Catastrophes

http://www.chabad.org/therebbe/article_cdo/aid/1189408/jewish/Explaining-Volcanic-Eruptions-and-other-Cosmic-Catastrophes.htm
Explaining Volcanic Eruptions and other Cosmic Catastrophes


Do we have the full picture?





Correspondence by Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, The Lubavitcher Rebbe



By the Grace of G‑d

Shushan Purim, 5712 [March 12, 1952]

Brooklyn, N.Y.



Shalom u'Brocho [Greetings and blessing]:



In reply to your letter, briefly:



1) You ask how can we reconcile the attributes of G‑d of mercifulness and kindness with cosmic catastrophes such as volcanic eruptions and the like, involving the loss of human life, etc.



There are many circumstances involved in each event, in addition to time and location. However, there is one general answer to such apparently inexplicable occurrences, which will become clearer through the following illustration: Suppose one encounters an individual for a brief period of time, finding him asleep, or engaged in some arduous toil. Now if the observer would want to conclude from what he sees during that brief period of time as to the nature of the individual he had observed, he would then conclude that the individual has an unproductive existence – in the first instance; or leads a life of torture – in the second. Obviously, both conclusions are erroneous, inasmuch as what he saw was only a fraction of the individual's life, and the state of sleep was only a period of rest and preparation for activity, and – in the second instance – the toil was a means to remuneration or other satisfaction which by far outweighs the effort involved. The truth is that any shortsighted observation, covering only a fraction of time or of the subject, is bound to be erroneous, and what may appear as negative will assume quite a different appearance if the full truth of the before and after were known.



Similarly in the case of any human observation of a world event. The subject of such an observation is thus taken out of its frame of eternity, of a chain of events that occurred before and will occur afterwards. Obviously we cannot expect to judge about the nature of such an event with any degree of accuracy. A volcanic eruption or earthquake and the like are but one link in a long chain of events that began with the creation of the world and will continue to the end of times, and we have no way of interpreting a single event by isolating it from the rest.



2) The difference between "G‑d is All," and "All is G‑d," is in the approach and deduction. In the first instance, our starting point is G‑d, and through study and research we can deduce that G‑d's Being is revealed even in material and "natural" things. Our study of the Unity of G‑d and His other attributes will lead us to recognizing the same attributes in nature and the world around us, the practical results of which find expression in unity among mankind and the practice of G‑d's precepts as the proper application of G‑d's attributes in our own life, etc. One who sets out on this path dedicates himself wholly to communion with G‑d. He is averse to all material aspects of life, including even the bare necessities connected with his physical wellbeing, and tries to avoid them as much as possible. Being engaged in spiritual communion with G‑d, he considers all material and physical necessities, even those permitted by the Torah, as a hindrance in his consecrated life. However, his intelligence convinces him that the material and physical world is but an expression of the Divine Being, and that in them, too, G‑d is to be found.



In the second part of the statement, "All is G‑d," the starting point is the outer shell of the universe and all material things in it, a study of which will lead to the conclusion that there is cosmic unity in the whole world and that there is a Divine "spark" vitalizing everything, and, consequently – One Creator. Hence he serves G‑d even while engaged in the material aspects of life, and does so with joy, inasmuch as it is in them and through them that he recognizes the greatness of the Creator and they help strengthen his unity with G‑d.




Thus we have two ways in the service of G‑d, of which the first is the easier one, while the second leads to a better fulfillment of the objective – to make this lowest physical world an abode for G‑d.




3) An observation of my own: It seems a novel way of trying to learn Chassidus [chassidic teachings] by correspondence. Even where there is no other choice, it is difficult to cover such a subject in the course of a letter. But in your case, you are within personal reach of receiving oral and fuller explanations in the normal course of study under the teachers of Chassidus at Tomchei Tmimim [the Lubavitch school], and with the aid of the senior students of Chassidus who have been learning it for years,



Why not use this better method?



With all good wishes,